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Dec 20, 2006

I Hate Changes

I've, always hated, change, it's always meant something would be different, and the way, my, life goes changes, aren't ever really good for me. I become settled in and unwilling to compromise at least that is what the therapist said once when I was trying all I could to save the divorce from a woman I so truly loved . The ex wanted a divorce and I couldn't stop it from happening .

gawd I hated that! it hurt so bad when I knew she wanted out of the relationship and then the unwanted sightings of her and her new stud walking the streets of down town or shopping at Wal-mart or maybe even sitting at a signal light in front, of me, or, beside me, couldn't miss it when her and her new found stud were together it meant OUR KIDS were in the back seat, yelling at me saying hello from the passing car. Suddenly I envision the therapist saying the word "change" You have to accept changes in life Larry, Your wife doesn't love you and she's moving on .

I accepted the change and moved on Seventeen years of being single it's really hard to believe that I can live alone and be happy with it. I was determined to never remarry again I finally had it with the Bullshit that came with marriage for one thing Nobody cheats on you when you are alone and when you want to go fishing you go.

Lies I've always hated Lies. My Father always called me a liar when I was young. Sometimes I did lie especially when it came to stealing his cigarettes, hey what little boy wouldn't lie if you have a three hundred pound man looking down at you asking "where are my cigarettes? did you steal, my cigarettes Larry, or did Robert? " Well you know what my answer was right? "Ummmmm no Dad I didn't Robert did. But needless to say I accepted those changes too I don't lie anymore and stealing quit many many years ago but that's another story for This Blog Of Mine .


I woke up about eight thirty this morning coughing and hacking like always I stumbled into the bathroom and washed my face with the hottest water I could get out of the faucet applied shaving cream and shaved as like every morning finally turning the faucet back on and looking for the coldest water. I washed the excess shaving cream off my face, as I looked in the mirror I looked for just a flash of a second and the word "CHANGE" hit me again, right before my, eyes, I noticed more gray hair that wasn't there yesterday.

But yet it wasn't yesterday it was twenty years ago when I had a full beard and plenty of hair for ten more Larry's and when I was young I shaved every morning usually standing with three legs ifin ya know what I mean. But now fifty three and nothing what the hell is up with that? gawd where did the days go when I could wake up in the morning and all of me was there. when I was young I didn't have a problem with women I love em and I still love them But to get remarried is totally out of the question marriage just isn't worth the hurt that cheating causes and the arguing is another thing I can do without for sure .

Another Change is about to take place a change that is going to be so hard to do but there isn't anyway to stop this change My younger brothers health is failing he was diagnosed with HIV back in 1991 My father called me and told me that he was on his way to see Michael. He had been in the hospital for awhile now and he isn't getting any better. He has seven brothers and sisters that love him very much Oh how I wish this isn't happening it's going to devastate Mom God somebody tell me is there really a God .

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1 comment:

shmamber said...

It is really to bad that you have given up on women there are many good ones out there that have given up on men. It is scary that one could hurt you so bad that you don't want to ever do it again...

Love is precious.

I am sorry to hear about your brother. My prayers are with you...