I'm Sorry

I went to an appointment yesterday morning. After I finished signing the papers I walked over to Stewart park, just a block away. The sun was bright and warm on my face. I sat down indian style on the grass to smoke a cigarette while watching traffic pass by, just spending time in the sun; it makes the soul feel good. I flashed on a memory from sixteen years ago, just a few days before my divorce was final. It was the last time I would see her as a lover and a wife.

She drove to Stewart Park, she knew I'd probably be there. She noticed my car parked in the parking lot just down the street. She walked to the picnic table and sat down with the kids. I knew what she was doing, being the bitch she could always be, she proceded to tell me she didn't love me any more and how unhappy she really was.

Sneakishly (is that a word?...sure has a nice sound..) she slid a manila envelope over to me saying, "Here's your divorce papers, it becomes final March thirteenth" I didn't want her to see me in the shape I was soon going to be in...my head crashing and my heart tremendously shattered from the freight train that just ran over it .

I asked if she was finished. She looked at me surprisingly as if I was going to attack her ( which I've never done ). "Are you finished," I asked. Waiting for a few long seconds, I turned around walking back to my car. Thoughts were racing in my head. As I was driving off, I thought of my children seeing their mom and dad as a couple for the last time. At times I thought this divorce would kill me. Rejection is a very painful emotion, especially when it involves a younger man, and a better looking man at that. I felt it deep in my heart.

I couldn't blame him for her actions, he probably never even knew she was married. She had the cheating heart along with the lying eyes. I'm not at all sorry for the divorce now, you can't make somebody love you. I'm saying I'm sorry to my children for leting them down, bringing pain into their lives.

There has been pictures, taken football games, prom dresses, and corsages, but there wasn't as many as there should of been losing my Children through the divorce was and has been my biggest loss in my life to me it was the saddest story I have ever heard.

                                                                                 

I 'm Sorry

I'm sorry for the times we never spent. I'm sorry for the places we never went. I'm sorry for the pictures we've never taken. I'm sorry for the love that has been foresaken. I'm sorry for the father never revealed, whose place was suddenly filled. I'm sorry for no albums, of the high school proms, or the football games my son had won. I'm sorry for the life we've never had.  Oh How I wish I could of been there for that.